Saturday, January 22, 2005

The Werereplublican

I have made a fascinating medical discovery. I know the AMA will be all over this. On top of that, it will help us understand that most misunderstood of creatures, the North-American Spineless Liberal. I am modestly calling my discovery the “wererepublican.” (I could have named it after myself, but I thought this was a much more descriptive name.)

You see, the werereplublican is kind of lycanthrope, which if you play or have played AD&D, or watched Universal horror movies, you know is a creature which is part man part beast. The best known type of lycanthrope is the werewolf. A human who, after having been bitten by another werewolf, transforms into a fearsome beast upon the rising of the full moon.

The similarities between the werewolf and wererepublican are superficial only. The wererepublican starts as the North-American Spineless Liberal. However, when said liberal chooses to run for office, he or she takes on the appearance an behavior of a republican conservative. This is why John Kerry could rack up the most liberal score of any U.S. Senator based on his voting record, oppose the war in Iraq and favor raising taxes. Then, suddenly, he became a hard nosed Vietnam veteran who wanted to cut taxes and get serious in the war on terror.

This transformation is occurring in Hillary Clinton as well. Senator Clinton who is the poster child for the Democratic party, has announced this week that she is a religious woman who often goes to the Lord in prayer, among other things. Sadly, I don’t think she was the woman in the White House who was on her knees when Bill was president.

Just as the werewolf returns to its human form one the sun rises, so the wererepublican will return to the form of the liberal once the election cycle is over. Again, we can see this demonstrated in the form of John Kerry who despite all his campaign talk of compromise and conciliation, has started the new year by opposing President Bush’s appointment of Condoliza Rice as Secretary of State.

Now that this terrible disease has been identified, we can begin looking for a cure. Perhaps it can be found by giving liberals a backbone transplant. Thus, giving them the strength to stand up for the policies they believe in. Or perhaps research needs to focus on a values transplant. I am not sure where the cure lies, but until then, take pity on those afflicted with this terrible disease.