Friday, March 04, 2005

Martha Stewart Leaving

It wasn't exactly Devil's Island, to be sure, and that five-month sentence was strictly nerf, but I suppose the kitchen-counterculture's alpha female is glad to be out of her cage.

If you're a fan of Martha Stewart, or buy any of her products, it would probably be wise at this point to go do something she would approve of, like write calligraphic dinner invitations to your neighbor's pets or trim the verge or weave your own gravy boat or whatever. Put bluntly, and despite whatever faux hearth-side spin Martha puts on it, she is a felon guilty of insider trading. A celebrity guilty of a crime is no different than any other offender; I don't care how rich, connected, famous, addled, dysfunctional, or bootylicious he or she is. Not that this is the case as applied in real life. Already there is (deeply regrettable) speculation that Martha's stint in the big house will only 'enhance' her career. Various carrion birds from the world of business and entertainment are lining up to cash in; not to mention the awful possibility of her own 'reality show.' What, will we learn how to cook the books? Whack stoolies? Launder money?

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think Martha has learned, or will learn, a single thing from this farce. She basically conducted herself like Marie Antoinette during the trial. She has a real tin ear when it comes to dealing with the public beyond the confines of her TV show. And I think that if you smack the back of her head hard enough her faceplate will come off, revealing wires, circuitry, and a processor chip bearing "Intel Inside!" on it.

But I think she is quietly fuming over the fact that she was caught in a criminal act and then punished (albeit very lightly) for it. Assuming Stepford wives fume. But, hey, does it matter?
America never really chastises celebrities anyway. Martha need not fear much more than Wacko Jacko stealing all the headlines from here on out; again, assuming he doesn't panic during his trial and suddenly return to his native dimension.